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| I don't know exactly what path my life will take...but as long as he's riding shotgun, I think I'll be okay.
A brain dump for the overthinking.
Ohwowman.
I'm feeling so alone lately.
I feel like I'm so very happy, but I have no one with which to share it.
Well, except for Brian of course. And I feel at peace with everything with him.
Idk. I think I always tend to focus my life on one negative at a time.
For a really long time, it was that whole boy situation...but now it's my friends.
They think they're right, and I think I'm right.
I've tried conceding to them, but you'd think I was a welcome mat, the way they'd walk all over me.
My heart is...interesting. When it feels that it's right, there's no such thing as compromise.
It was that way for Brian. And it's like that now.
I don't see what I did wrong, but what I do see is that I miss my friends.
"Friends", maybe even by this point.
I mean, I know I've changed. But could they POSSIBLY have changed anymore themselves?
It's rather discouraging, to tell the truth.
But I'm still trying, and I still see hope.
It's all a matter of getting there.
And seriously, EVERYTHING else in my life is great.
Band is one of the only times [when I'm not with Brian anyway] that I feel completely whole and myself. I love those people and that activity so much, and I just want to convey it in any way I can. I feel like I can make a difference there. I feel that becoming a drum major was one of the best things to ever happen to me.
I'm making EXTREME progress on the flute. Two hours of practice a day really pays off, eh? Oh yeah, and if you're sitting there complaining you're not good at your instrument...seriously...just PRACTICE!! A musical instrument, just like any sport, requires practice and consistency. You can't be lazy about it.
And I have some really great friends who stuck around. And I love them to death.
I risked it all and gained double, and that's amazing. I'm extremely lucky.
But there are no happily ever afters in life.
I still have to work to be happy. If I want something, I'm going to have to reach out for it.
If I want my old friends back, I'm going to need to reach out to them.
Sure, they may reject me, but no one can say I didn't try.
Something I'm learning is that I need to put my all in everything I do, and not be afraid of failing.
Because usually when I put my all into something...I succeed past what anyone could have possibly hoped.
I'm also learning that you can't give someone advice if they don't want it.
Sometimes reason isn't a good enough explanation, and cold hard fact just won't do it.
Some people need to learn for themselves.
And that's why I'm done trying to prove myself right, or trying to teach people outright.
They'll make their mistakes. They'll learn.
I just need to trust that they will.
That could be my problem as well. I've developed major trust issues.
I need to learn to trust people to take care of themselves, as well as me.
I need to give them my all, even when it's not 100% safe.
"The sun is on my side
Takes me for a ride
I smile up to the sky
I know I'll be alright."
-- "Pocketful of Sunshine" Natasha Bedingfield
| | |
| Show me what it looks like, outside your window at Twilight.Yeahh, I'm definitely on a survey kick. Sorry people who want quotes. :[
Ever kissed someone who was in a relationship?:
No.
Who is your 1st text in your inbox from?: No.
Have your parents ever caught you coming home drunk?: Considering I don't drink, no.
Do you like going to Walmart?: Yeah, it's cool.
Last time your heart was broken and why?: A few months ago. It was my fault.
Is there someone you can talk to about anything?: Youbetcha.
When was the last time you cried?: Last night.
Are you a bad influence?: Oh yeah. You have to watch out for the band geeks...
Just kidding. I'm such a good influence, it's actually a bit sickening.
How's your heart lately?: Pretty damn good, if I do say so myself.
Do you like where you live?: Yeah...
Are you ready for a relationship?: Well, I'd hope so, considering I'm in one.
And yes, I was very much ready. I didn't think I was at the time, but I see now that it was way past due.
Are you tired?: A bit.
Is there someone you want to see?: Ohyes.
Is your hair naturally straight?: HA.
Not even a little bit.
Do you think more about the past, present, or future?: The future.
Are promises important to you?: Yeah. They're becoming more and more important. And anyone who can't keep them will hear it from me.
Anyone of the opposite sex been on your mind lately?: Oh, you know it.
Will you be in a relationship next month?: Yes.
Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?: Brian?
Anyone you're giving up on?: No.
Does it bother you when someone lies to you?: Yes. I'm trying not to let it bother me anymore.
Who will you be sleeping with tonight?: Me, myself, and I.
Are you an emotional person?: When I'm alone.
Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?: Not really. *knocks on wood*
Does anyone know your Myspace password?: No.
At least I dono't think so.
Do you eat junk food everyday?: Usually. lol.
Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?: Yes'm.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?: I know, because I have.
Do you know how to change a diaper?:
No.
Is there someone who makes you happy every time you speak with them?: Yes, there are a lot!
Edit: Survey #2
[ Cred: Survey_City ]
bolding
[Right now;]
I'm listening to music on Youtube.
I'm drinking water with crushed ice, and a few squirts of lemon.
I'm pigging out on chips.
I haven't eaten breakfast today.
Who am i kidding, i never eat breakfast!
My hair is currently wet from my shower.
I'm barefoot but wish i had socks.
I can see a pen within 2 feet of me.
My dog is next to me, begging.
There are no adults in my house right now.
The room I'm currently in, I'm in alone.
I have already taken a picture of myself today
I have brushed my teeth but not my hair
I'm wearing a white shirt and blue jeans
I have to do chores but i'm lazy :O
My computer is actually fast right now
I think this is one of the worst surveys I made!
I'm currently not sign on to msn, aim and etc.
Myspace is NOT at the bottom of my screen.
I have notepad open right now.
I have a webcam on my computer.
I do but the sounds broken!
[What i find funny;]
The song Sneakernight
When people think High School Musical is awesome
When every Disney Star thinks they can sing
When i see old people get pissed
When bratty kids don't get their way
Nerdy jokes that no one gets
When people talk "Mad G" i laugh at them :x
When people think their kids are smarter than they are
When people think they're hot, but they're obv. not
When bullies get beat up
When teachers are wrong, and they have to apologize
When people get jealous
[What i really hate;]
When people go out with same person 4+ times over
When i see people steal at the mall
WICKED ANNOYING VEGETRIANS WHO ARE TOTAL BITCHES TO PEOPLE WHO EAT MEAT. ITS A PERSONAL CHOICE. NOT A REQUIRMENT.
When cops think they're BAMFS
When your friends change, then blame you
When you're in a bad mood, and people dont leave you alone
When you smile at someone and they dont smile back
When you say "bless you" and they dont say "thankyou"
When people dont hold the door for you
When teachers are total bitches to one student
When i see the same questions on every survey
When i log on to Myspace and have creepy messages
When people think they have the right to say anything they want because "freedom of speech"
[What i really loveeeee;]
dr. Pepper
orange tic-tacs
peace signs
skinny jeans
actually all jeans
moccosins
adidas flip-flops
kiss 107.9
long hair
techno much
sleeping in
vacations
snowdays
windy weather
typing in all lowercase
puting extraaaa letters on words
when people say "excuse me"
holding hands
manors
ice cream
cute sayings
poetry
horror/scary movies
when girls say "hun"
i see old friends
when i wake up to texts
when i have a good hairday
jewelry
belts
scarves
sweaters
jansport backpacks
when i get a new subscriber <3
family reunions
the holiday atmosphere
British accents
Australian accents
compliments
[The Labels in my closet;]
Abercrombie & Fitch
Hot Topic
Pac Sun
Aeropostale
Sears
The Gap
American Eagle
Express
J.crew
Ralph Lauren
Tommy Hilfiger
[ Cred: Survey_City ]
Edit: SURVEY #3 :]
What color was the last remote you used?
Black.
Do you have any hiking shoes?
Nope.
Where were you when you heard about Micheal Jackson's dead?
Band. My friend texted me. :[
Did you/are you having a hard time emotionally as a teenager?
No more than anyone else.
What was the worst made movie you ever saw?
Idk...
Have you ever seen a movie where the soundtrack was better than the movie?
Hmm. No.
Are you creeped out by all the deaths lately?
A little bit. Looks like someone has a Death Note or something.
Do you live near a river?
Kinda.
Did you have a good childhood?
Sure.
What songs gets stuck in your head the most easily?
Everything.
Was anyone famous born on the same day you were?
I'm sure...I just don't know who, lol.
Are you dreading winter?
No. I like winter.
Does getting a new haircut make you happy?
Indeed it does.
Do you own any clothes with flowers on it?
Probably.
Is it getting harder to find clothes you like?
Kinda.
Have you ever left a mall empty handed?
Yeah.
Would you ever get a custom license plate?
Maybe?
What would it say?
Idk...
Have you ever made/filled out a survey with someone?
No.
Have you ever mowed the lawn (even a little bit)?
Yeahh.
Have you ever been on a boat on a lake and watched fireworks?
No, but that sounds lovely.
Do you know anyone who wrote a book?
I have a friend who wrote a novel...
Have you ever found a spider on your bed?
No...*knocks on wood*
Hard or soft mattresses?
Soft.
If you have a job do you do other stuff on the computer besides work?
I don't have a job. =\
Does anyone in real life know that you do surveys?
Yeahhh...I actually introduced them to my friends a really long time ago.
Have you ever seen a raven?
Yeah.
Do you like going through tunnels?
Not really. They make me nervous.
Are there any bridges in your town?
A few.
Have you ever sent a song to someone through Yahoo Mail?
No, lol.
Does your dad like to work in the yard?
Actually, yeah.
What's your userpic on an IM service?
Music notes. What else? <3
Have you ever had balloons on your birthday?
Yeahhh. :]
Have you ever hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon?
Never been.
Do you like to watch storms from a distance?
Yes.
Does your mom like to bead?
No.
Do you know someone that works in a bar?
I know someone who owns a bar.
Do you like to have layers in your hair?
Yeah. :]
Do you know who Hayley Westenra is?
I do! She's a singer.
Did you ever play Spyro?
No. :[
Have you ever had one dream last the whole night?
Yeahh....
What do people think you're weird for not liking?
Hmm. Idk.
| | |
| Think back to your child hood...who was your first real crush?
Eric.
Do you think you're weird or normal?
Weird, ohyes.
Do you think about someone a lot?
Yes I do.
Is that someone close to you?
Very.
How often do you text?
Quite.
Ever liked someone to the point you wanted to marry them?
Yes.
Does someone have a special ringtone on your phone?
Yup.
How late do you stay up texting?
I think the latest was like, 1.
Is there something wrong in your life?
Ehhh. No more than anyone else's.
Do you make friends easily?
Yes.
Do you socialize easily?
Depends.
How many people have you dated in high school?
Two, including the one I am now.
Ever had sex?
No.
Has someone made a lasting impact on your life?
Ohyes.
Have you ever just drove around for fun?
Actually, no.
Have you dated someone from your child hood? Who?
Define childhood.
Would you fall apart if that last person you kissed died?
Yes.
Where is the person who has your heart at the moment?
Probably home by this point.
Do you have a brother?
Yes.
Will your next kiss be a mistake?
No.
Next time you'll go out of town?
Right now? lol.
Anything you are looking forward to?
There's ALWAYS something to look forward to.
Last time you talked to an ex?
A REALLY long time ago. =\
Where were you last night?
Here.
Have you ever given your all to someone just to have them walk away?
No.
Have a best friend?
Yeah, a few.
Are you in a good mood right now?
Yeahh.
Who is the last person that called you?
I don't remember.
What made you sad today?
No pepperoni bread. :[
| | |
| (made by theartofsurveys.)
1. When was the last time you wore a name tag?
Beginning of June. Minibandcampyay!! <3
2. Do you ever use anything besides your hands to scratch your back?
Not really.
3. How do you like your toast, waffles, etc. to be toasted?
Brownish. NOT burnt.
4. Would you ever like to swim with dolphins?
Yes!
5. what pattern dominates your clothes?
Uhhhhhhh. *shrugs*
6. are there a lot of bunnies around your neighborhood?
Yeahhh. They eat my flowers. :[ I kinda just want to set out carrots for them, lol.
7. Do you like Twizzlers? If so, do you prefer Twizzler bites or the regular kind?
Bites.
8. Have you seen the secret garden? Do you think you'd like to be in that situation?
Nope.
9. Have you ever stolen a piece of silverware from a restaurant?
No. lol.
10. What does your favorite pillow look like?
It's a lot of patches sewed together. Because my best friend is a sewing GENIUS.
11. How long does it generally take for your hair to dry?
An hour or two.
12. do you have a shoe tree in your bedroom?
No. lol.
13. Has your favorite show recently ended for the season?
Nah.
14. Does your mom or whoever does the shopping in your home make grocery lists? If you don't already, do you think you will?
Yeah, she does. I probably will when I get older.
15. When do you like to do surveys? Do you think that you personally have to be in a survey mood?
I have to be bored and/or in the survey mood.
16. Do you still own a piggy bank?
Yeahh. :]
17. Do you think you'd want a hamburger phone- like the one in Juno?
Yes!
18. Are you into those gladiator sandals?
They look cute on some girls, but I don't think that I could personally pull them off. ---> Agreed.
19. When was the last time you sang happy birthday to someone?
Uhhh. Josh's birthday at band? lol.
20. Do you enjoy antique stores?
Sometimes.
EDIT;; SURVEY #2 OF THE NIGHT
Did you get over your ex or do you still love him/her?
I care about him as a friend, but I am over him.
Are you currently dating someone?
Yes I am. :]
If you are do you love him/her?
Only more than everything.
Would you date your ex again?
No.
If no why not?
Because. I've moved on.
How many people have you had sex with?
0.
Did you love every single one you had sex with?
--.
Who was the last person of the opposite sex you were in a bed with?
--.
Are you still a virgin?
Yes.
How many boy/girlfriends have you had?
Two serious ones, including the one I'm with now.
Is there an ex girl/boyfriend you cant stop thinking about?
No.
If you answered yes then who is it?
--.
Do you like tall guys(girls)/short girls(guys)?
Yes, I do like tall guys.
Who was your first kiss?
Joe. My first real kiss anyway.
Who was the last person you texted?
Brian. :]
When did you last see the person that texted you last?
WAY too long ago. Like. This past Thursday. :[
Have you ever cheated?
Not physically.
Have you ever been cheated on?
Not technically, as I was not with him.
Who was your last kiss?
Brian. :]
Would you kiss the person you last kissed again?
Yessss.
[ oceanxxsurveys ] EDIT;; SURVEY #3 OF THE NIGHT! How fast do you fall?
I crush extremely fast. Falling in love takes a little more time. And then there's the whole realizing it part of it...
Are you single, or taken? or is it complicated?
Happily taken. :]
Is it tacky to listen to music while getting intimate?
If it happens to be on, then whatever. But turning it on just for that moment? Wayyyy tacky. lol.
What do you think about "kissing virgins?" Are they wise, or just over doing it?
Well. If you haven't found anyone you find worth kissing yet...
Bold the letters of all the people's first names that you have kissed:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Do you like a chase?
A little bit. ;]
What song makes you think of your current (or last) honey?
There are SO many. :]
But the most current one is "Light Up the Sky" by Yellowcard.
Who taught you the most about love?
Brian did. Not outright. Not even by him being perfect all the time. I learned from his mistakes.
How many relationships have you been in?
Two serious ones including the one I'm in now.
How does that number relate to how many times you've been in love?
x=y.
What makes someone cute?
Hmmm. Just being able to tell someone cares. Idk.
Sexy?
Passion. Passion. Oh, and more passion.
Intensity. They have a certain air about them.
Irresistible?
There's this look in his eyes...
Do you celebrate monthaversaries?
I used to. Not anymore.
What's the cutest thing your significant other could do for you?
I like the stupid little things.
Is kissing in the rain romantic to you?
Yes.
Can you trust a cheater?
That's like asking "Can you trust a liar?"
Do you like aggressive or innocent kisses?
They both have their appeal.
Do you bite?
No? Have you ever "played the field?"
No.
Would you rather have breakfast, lunch, or dinner as a date?
*shrugs* Do you ask your current relationshipee about their past dating experiences?
Yeah.
Have you ever planned who you were going to date next if your current boyfriend was to dump you?
Yeahh. That was the first sign...
When you talk about your "first kiss," is it your first peck, or first french?
Peck.
What's the best gift a s/o has given you?
Himself.
But he wrote me a song. And that was nice too. :]
Have you ever thought you loved someone, when you really just liked being in a relationship?
No.
Is pda gross?
Too much def. is.
Can you count how many boyfriends you've had on two hands? One?
One hand.
when it comes to relationships, are you an introvert or extrovert?
Introvert. like. times 345923745345.
Can you still get butterflies in your tummy after a long time of dating?
Yes. Haha.
| | |
| My, do I love quotes!Feeling rather alone right now. =\
“The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. stone crumbles. wood rots. people, well, they die. but things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on."
-- Chuck Palahniuk
"People have to really suffer before they can risk doing what they really love."
-- Chuck Palahniuk
"If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character...would you slow down? Or speed up?"
-- Chuck Palahniuk
The loneliness was still there, but it was getting louder and easier to dance to.
"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone."
-- Orson Welles
"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for."
-- Dag Hammarskjold
"When we truly realize that we are all alone is the time that we need others the most."
-- Ronald Anthony
These quotes are dark. I'm in love, so it's really not as dark as it seems. <3
"I have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
-- Mother Teresa
Love is like an earthquake -
Unpredictable, a little scary, but when the hard part is over, you realize how truly lucky you are.
You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.
True love burns the brightest, but the brightest flames leave the deepest scars.
We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And people still wonder why some are afraid when told they are loved.
Ohhh, and that music thing. <3
A painter paints pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence.
~Leopold Stokowski
Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.
~Berthold Auerbach
He who sings scares away his woes.
~Cervantes
Musical compositions, it should be remembered, do not inhabit certain countries, certain museums, like paintings and statues. The Mozart Quintet is not shut up in Salzburg: I have it in my pocket.
~Henri Rabaud
You can't possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow.
~Oscar Levant, explaining his way out of a speeding ticket
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